her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
