I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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