No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You pole danced in your parka.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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