Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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