I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Never underestimate the power of titties
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
