if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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