what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
