Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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