And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
