I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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