escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
