You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
