i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
