I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ok first of all what the fuck
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize