I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
