So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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