so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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