I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.