I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Need sex. Gaining weight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
