Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?