Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
