I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.