Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
