I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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