About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
