Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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