on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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