OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
