Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
