Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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