I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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