i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
