just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
