I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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