My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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