I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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