we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
