im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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