I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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