Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
