so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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