Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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