I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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