"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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