My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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