yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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