And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
