I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
