Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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