I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
