The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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