just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
