yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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