Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
