He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
