Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
