as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
