I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
