Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
