I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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