i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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