I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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