Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
