pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
