Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
