She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
