Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
