it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
