Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
