don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
