Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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