I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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