i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
