Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
