Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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