I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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