I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
