I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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