Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
