Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
