So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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