i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
