Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
