so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
