doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
