Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
