I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
