can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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