I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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