I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
