All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
