I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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