Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
