I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
