Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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