I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
