You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We need to get me chipped asap
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
