I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
