Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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